A lot has happened in the UK recently:
- An EU Referendum took place
- Glastonbury were blowing their trumpets
- England, Wales, N Ireland were in the Euros
- People were hitting from their racquets at Wimbledon
Embarrassingly England lost to Iceland in the Euros, (what a disaster).Well I did watch the entire game and it was quite a shock, to be honest it comes as a bigger shock to when The Undertaker lost at Wrestlemania but to me that didn’t come up as a major surprise.
But I’ve got over this disappointment over England losing very quickly which was easier said and done to when I had my heart broken some months ago. To be honest some days ago, there was some programme I was watching to do with airplanes which reminded me of the trip I took to Dublin. And shortly after I wrote a note on my iPhone, it is meant to be draft message that I was going to send because I want her to know how I truly feel. It has been aching at me and I even considered grief counselling or seeking a psychiatrist to address the issues I’ve been having. Below is from an extract of what I was going to send, my writing is probably not brilliant but it comes from the heart.
And I get it, that I’m not this and that or someone ideal to have. It gets me emotional and upset when thinking about it when I’m writing this message and it does leave a scar. The past is the past and it seems like I am dwelling on it too much and not letting it be the past. I am bringing it up because it affects me emotionally and I can’t live with this fresh in my mind. I don’t expect people to know what I’m going through and this probably doesn’t matter to you but I want you to understand what I’m going through a few months later.
When I look back at writing this, I was at a low point, sometimes when those miserable come back, it is difficult to say OK or walk away from it. To have gone over my disappointment of that dreadful experience, I might have been scarred but it hasn’t put me off going on dating websites. To be honest, the main reason I go on there is that I find it hard to express myself face-to-face and I don’t enjoy going to social gatherings with groups of people. I was with a group from a place I was volunteering at not long ago, the majority were middle-aged and some that were similar age as me were boring me and don’t share my open interests, most of the time it does feel like I am standing alone by myself which is out of my comfort zone, maybe it’s down to my interaction skills that I am lacking which I may put down to experience.
When I am writing this blog, I can confidently say that I’m not mentally ill or depressed. I did speak about my problems to a person on Facebook and I can safely say it has built my confidence up. I feel re energised. I’m right now listening to Walking Away by Craig David, Craig David is a genius in his songs, he can empathise with average people.
Which is brought on the topic SOMETHING NEW.
So when I found out that England were out of Euro 2016, I was in shock in how we performed but I soon laughed, put my thoughts on Facebook and then turned to thinking about Wimbledon.
It’s great to be thinking of something new because then it gets the negative thoughts out of my system and erased from my short time memory.
So looking ahead.
I don’t have no job interviews going forward and no offers from recruitment agencies so it’s not ideal. Usually I go out volunteering when I am in this situation but I am going to put that on hold for a while. I don’t feel like I can commit to it 100%.
So while I’m at home, I’m going to pay a lot of attention of watching Wimbledon because it is one of my favourite tournaments I look forward to in the calendar year. Ok, I will also use the time to do some job searching (not to put pressure on myself) and maybe think about things that will help my wellbeing:
Draft Optional To-Do-List
- Maybe buy a new suit (I can’t say it is definite)
- Maybe go to the post office and get a driving test application form
- Think about taking a day’s trial in Fitness First
- Maybe join a tennis club, (maybe it’s a bit late during mid-season but I ideally I want it to see how it goes for three months)
- Take the trip of travelling to India seriously to watch the England and Indian cricket team
I let my writing to do the talking. I wanted to write this because I want to share my story and encourage others to discuss or address their problems. It might be that someone reading this blog feels my pain and doesn’t feel alone in their thoughts and pretend that it hasn’t happened to anyone else before. To get you in a party mood, I recommend listening to Firestone by Kygo. It’s about coming together.
I welcome any feedback you may have.
Please do post a comment below
To round off this blog, I typed in “Something New” and this is what I found
CATCHY TUNE 🙂